I’ve been feeling pretty crappy about blogging lately. I don’t know what happened. I used to love it, and I’d write; and it was awesome. Lately it feels like a burden, and I’m starting to resent the time I spend with the blog. It’s taking over my making time. I touched on this last week. It’s just been getting worse and worse. I found myself laying in bed today, wondering if I should quit everything. That’s not cool. Something about the pressures I place on myself to do what everyone else is doing… who knows. I want to be able to do it all, but maybe I’m just not in the right place to do that right now. I know lots of creatives that just make. They’re doing awesome. It’s probably because they are just making and not making themselves crazy doing things that make them feel… like they suck or they’re stuck.
I’m not sure where I got it in my head that I had to do all of the crochet jobs. I don’t want to teach. I don’t want to brainstorm business. I don’t really want to do anything but make really cool monsters. I want to do other things. I have yarn to dye and spin and prep and card and spin… and spin. I’m thinking about crochet pattern designing, my crochet pattern book that I want to write, and making diy monster crochet kits… and what I can do for my craft shows and wholesale endeavors. It’s enough. I’m so “busy” that I’m really accomplishing nothing. It is frustrating, and making me grumpy. No one likes me when I’m grumpy. I end up on my bed wondering if I should quit everything.
There’s been a lot of thinking about this. I will still blog. I will just do it when I have something to say; when there are new things to share, when I have a new technique in one of my crochet patterns, when I feel like it. I think this will help. Maybe the stress of trying to do something that isn’t making me happy being gone will help my brain become super sharp. Maybe it will allow me to make really amazing crochet pieces for you… and patterns, kits, yarns, and who knows what else I can do.
I will focus on my newsletter. Yes. I’ll do that too.
I’ve been trying to juggle this work life thing, and it’s not happening. The amount of work I decided I should do is impossible for a lady like me to finish. Jess (me) is all over the place organizationally… and a little flaky for sticking to a plan. I have family stuff to enjoy, kids to frickin’ help through school, sports to watch, and I should be enjoying all the things I am doing. Life is kind of short. I’m already almost 40 years old, and it feels like I was just in high school. Maybe I blinked. Regardless, my time is precious. It’s too precious to worry about this self inflicted, insane work schedule that gets nothing done aside from making me miserable. I’m out.
I just want to be successful at making the things that I love. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.